The first real date

There are plenty of stories of flirtatious endeavors and almost dates, but this is the story of the first official date in chain. It begins a month before the end of the sophomore year in college.

A gentleman, "Phil," and I had been flirting for months, and he finally mustered the courage to ask me out on a date. Being the first real college date of my life, I savored the moment and shared it with a select couple of girl friends. Eventually, the entire hall new about the date and high expectations were set by my other friends for this date.

Phil was my ideal man. Just over six feet tall, dark, funny, the kind of muscular build that comes about from doing sports and not working out at the gym every day. He would throw me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and made me feel like I was special.

Finally, after the anticipation and endless gossiping, Phil and I went on our date. We went to an Italian chain restaurant, where we awkwardly ran into another couple from our dorm on a date. We walked up the fashionable high street to a popular dessert restaurant. We had great conversation and generally enjoyed each other's company. The makings of a great first date. Then we returned back and met up with a group of friends to see a movie. This is where the date began taking a confusing turn. Was it still a date though we were now with about 10 other people? Do I pay for us or do we each buy separate tickets? I stood to the back of the group pondering these questions and was called back by Phil's voice at the cashier, finalizing the purchase of our tickets and waiting for me to join him. Apparently we were still on a date.

When we got back to the dorm, we lingered in each other's presence, the traditional awkward ending to a date. We moved toward the end of the lobby, where we would inevitably go our different ways. I told him I had a great time and we hugged. It was the kind of hug that you didn't want to end because you feel comforted by his arms around you, enjoying the warmth of his body holding yours. As we pulled away, Phil asked if I wanted to go out again sometime, and I said yes. We had had a great time together, and I was interested to see if there was something between us. Then he went up the stairwell to his room and I went to mine.

On the way back I was bombarded by curious wingmates who had been standing in their doorways stretching to hear what we were saying, attempting to be nonchalante in their efforts but failing miserably. I tried to hide my embarassment but was unsuccessful. It is intimidating to have six eager faces surround you and ask you question after question about something your were hoping to enjoy by yourself for a few minutes. That was not an option at the time, so I shared the recap of the date with them and headed back to my room to change and get ready for the rest of the night in.

Days went by and I had heard nothing from Phil. This is perhaps not strange in the world of dating, but it is when the two of you live in the same building and have the same friends (our college was a really small campus, too). Well, I thought to myself, he must be practicing the traditional male dating ritual of waiting a week to contact a girl about the date and ask for another. So another week went by and I was still waiting to hear from Phil. In the interim, Phil's cousin, Matthew, invited me to join their group of friends to see another movie, The Amityville Horror. I'm not a fan of scary movies at all because they give me nightmares, but I thought I would risk a night's peaceful sleep for another chance to hang out with Phil. I could tell Matthew was trying to get Phil and I together, but his attempts were not successful - Phil and I ended up on complete opposite ends of the row. I made the attempt to move half-way through the movie, claiming the two guys on either side of me were not going to protect me in case one of the creatures from the film came out of the screen and into the audience. However, this meant I had placed myself on the end of the aisle without protection on both sides of me. Finally, after sitting with my knees tucked to my chest for the majority of the film, keeping my hands over my eyes for the other half, the movie ended and we all headed back to the dorm. When we got back, there was still no communication between Phil and I.

Now, you are probably thinking to yourself, this girl is an idiot - he's just not that into you. And I started thinking that myself for a while. But then an extroverted member of my group of girl friends, Lolly, approached Phil in complete dismay of his behavior. She asked him point-blank why he was ignoring me and hadn't communicated with me at all. This was his answer:

"I realized it was a mistake to ask her out one month before school ended. I should have not asked her out in the first place."

Of course Lolly reported back to me on the status of our dating relationship, as well as to the rest of our group. Well, we were quite shocked to hear this rationale for not asking a girl on a date, especially when the first one went so well. We found it strange that he also did not share this information with me, the girl he went out with and was patiently waiting for more information. The end of the year came around and I attempted to revive whatever we had by flirting and trying to get another date out of him. Phil was apparently stuck in his ways and we didn't go out again. When we came back to the dorms in the fall, I found out he started dating a girl from back home a few weeks after he had gotten back. He was still dating her when school started, though he was only home for about three months.

As a follow-up to the actual date, I had dinner with Phil and a different group of girl friends one night last fall. There was a moment in the dinner conversation when he opened up an opportunity for me to announce to the group a more abridged version of this story, and I took it. I verbally jabbed him in the ego while the rest of the girls at the table listened to my story. As it had gotten dark and he didn't have a car, he asked for a ride home. Because I had moved on and we were still friends, I agreed to do so. On the drive to his home he asked if he really behaved that badly all those years ago. I said yes, and that I had been confused why he never came to me with any explanation. He apologized for his behavior and explained to me, well, I don't remember the other information he shared with me because he apologized. He's not a bad guy, and if he asked again I would say yes to another date. It was disappointing to have such a let-down on the first go of my college dating experience.

Many more disappointments to come, unfortunately.